Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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