Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
