i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
