This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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