I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i came on her dog
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
