What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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