its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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