I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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