He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
