What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
