Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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