Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
