That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
