you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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