you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
