i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
