and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
