He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
