just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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