Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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