i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dignity is for republicans.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
