She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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