This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
