i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Quick, to the slutcave!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
