hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
