their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
