The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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