My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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