forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
