I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
