I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
