I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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