nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
