My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
