he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
