batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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