I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
