threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
did you just send me my own nude
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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