I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
