i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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