I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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