You can't motorboat a personality
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize