he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
