Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
