Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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