I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
