Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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