Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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