took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
