shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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