I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
