i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
