I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
