hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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