I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
