What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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