Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
