If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
