franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
