I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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