its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
