I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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